When do you feel like you are most yourself?: Tuesday Talks with Zach and Tre on Promote Yourself Podcast
With Guest Ryan Swanson
“Best Selves” photo generated by ChatGPT
What an interesting question that is posed in this week’s episode of Tuesday Talks with Zach and Tre! This week we had my brother, Ryan Swanson on for a philosophical discussion around identity, society, and the nature of the mind. Ryan has a Bachelor of Arts degree in philosophy and a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. In this episode we engage in a Socratic dialogue exploring our personal experiences with our best selves, the influence of others and biology on our self concepts, and personal agency.
When do you feel like you are most yourself?
I posed this question early on in the discussion as a reflection of Tre and Ryan’s reflections on their current work. Although they had the chance to respond, I did not have the opportunity to share my personal response. So here it is!
I feel like I am most myself when I am genuinely connecting with others, enjoying memorable experiences, and when I experience epiphanies in solitude. First, when I connect deeply with new people or those I love I feel at peace and it feels like home. Some of my closest friends have a tendency to draw out a playful side of me that feels natural and child-like. I don’t know if this is my inner-child speaking, but there's a deep clarity when we emotionally and intellectually connect with people in a carefree, vulnerable way. I find genuine connection in many arenas of my life, such as among my rugby teammates, my research team, in class discussions, when talking to family members, and especially when I’m with my girlfriend. Some of these experiences of connections with others can often lead to meaningful memories.
I think that a memorable experience is a snapshot of who we are at a given moment in time. For instance, I had many memorable experiences in college, which felt like I was clear about who I was, but now those experiences resemble less of who I am as a person and reflect more who I used to be. Still, this resonates with me as I am the authentic self I was in the past, but with a few additional layers of who I am now. This point brings light to my previous question about “are we different people at different times and in different circumstances”. I think that while our personality remains mostly stable and reflects a core, genuine self, we also have the ability to adapt which aspects of our identity are most salient in a given situation, role, or period of time.
When I am learning or when I am alone, I often experience deep epiphanies about myself that draw me closer to my personal vision for my “best self”. In deep thought I feel like I am most at peace, even if the deep reflection is existential in nature. I believe that when we are forced or led to turn inwards, we can often encounter our true self which is the core of our egos. Now, this may also be because I enjoy those experiences of reflection and hence feel most myself in these times, so I anticipate that many others will find more personal clarity when doing things they enjoy most. In this realization, I challenge you to reflect on when you feel most yourself.
Science Bite
To contextualize your personal reflection on when you feel like you are most yourself, I want you to consider the concept of vitality. Vitality refers to the state of feeling vibrant, energetic, and alive. When we possess vitality, we have the energy and enthusiasm to pursue our goals, engage in meaningful activities, and maintain good physical and mental health. It enables us to navigate life's challenges with vigor, optimism, and resilience.
Some questions for your reflection:
Here are five questions you can ask yourself or someone close to you to probe reflections and discussion you feel most like yourself:
Can you describe a time when you felt most alive and fulfilled? What were you doing, and what made it so special?
Think about your strengths and values. How have you used these to overcome challenges or achieve meaningful goals in your life?
Who are your role models or sources of inspiration? What qualities or traits in them resonate with your vision of your best self?
Imagine a future version of yourself living your ideal life. What does that look like, and what steps can you take to move closer to that vision?
What activities or experiences bring out the best in you, where you feel most authentic and in alignment with your true self?
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You really described so eloquently some of the moments I also experience my most authentic self: having and forming sincere connections with others and solitary epiphanies. I can relate to those experiences being contributions to my vision of my "best self". I also liked how you put it that memories are snapshots and reflections of us at a given time, and how malleable that identity may be in relation to certain circumstances.
If we are not experiencing the vitality as you describe it - vibrant, energetic, and alive - is that an indicator that we are not ourselves at the time and will not be until we are experiencing those feelings?