Nine Ways to Be A Good Person
A Socrates Cafe Conversation with Jared Hales and Natalie Alkire
What does it mean to be a good person? Could you answer that question off the top of your head? How simple or challenging is it to define ‘goodness’ itself? And do you think you’re a good person?
At first glance, we all have impressions of what’s "good" or "bad"—in people, actions, and even in small, everyday decisions. With so many perspectives in the world, there are countless ways to approach what it truly means to be good. Questions of moral goodness have been asked for centuries, continuing to shape how we live today. From how we parent to how we treat others, our beliefs about “the right thing” influence our daily lives.
This week on Socrates Cafe, I sat down with my producer, Jared Hales, and my media and marketing manager, Natalie Alkire, to dive into this timeless question: What does it mean to be a good person?
Nine Ways to Be Good: Insights from Philosophy and Positive Psychology
Exploring the concept of goodness through various lenses, we can see that "being good" has been defined differently by thinkers throughout history. Below are nine perspectives that offer unique insights into what it means to lead a virtuous life. From philosophers to positive psychologists, each of these thinkers sheds light on paths to moral goodness:
Aristotle’s Virtue Ethics: Aristotle believed that being a good person means developing virtues, like courage and kindness, through practice. To him, goodness is built over time by consistently acting in ways that align with these qualities until they’re ingrained in our character.
Positive Psychology's Character Building: Positive psychology highlights that strengths like kindness and gratitude don’t just benefit others—they also make us happier. According to Seligman and Peterson, cultivating virtues is about adding genuine value to our lives and those around us.
Moral Foundations Theory (Jonathan Haidt): Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt suggests that what’s considered “good” varies across cultures. For example, different societies prioritize values like fairness, care, or loyalty, showing that “goodness” can depend on cultural context.
Utilitarianism (Bentham & Mill): Bentham and Mill argued that being good is about maximizing happiness and reducing suffering for the greatest number of people. It’s a straightforward approach: make choices that bring the most benefit to the most people.
Kant’s Duty Ethics (Deontology): Immanuel Kant emphasized that goodness is about fulfilling moral duties and respecting others, not just because it feels good, but because it’s the right thing to do. He believed in an objective morality where actions are inherently right or wrong.
Self-Compassion and Empathy: Psychologists like Kristen Neff argue that treating ourselves with compassion fosters empathy for others. When we’re kind to ourselves, it’s easier to extend that same kindness to those around us.
Confucian Filial Piety: Confucius taught that goodness is tied to fulfilling one’s roles within family and community. Respecting these relationships, particularly with family, brings harmony and strengthens the social fabric.
Eudaimonia (Aristotle & Positive Psychology): Aristotle’s concept of eudaimonia, or flourishing, suggests that a good life is purposeful and growth-oriented. Positive psychology adopts this, encouraging people to seek fulfillment, connection, and contribution to others.
Stoicism (Seneca & Marcus Aurelius): Stoic thinkers believed that goodness is about resilience and focusing on what’s within our control. According to Seneca and Marcus Aurelius, a good person remains calm, disciplined, and purpose-driven even amid adversity.
Personal Reflections on Goodness
During my conversation with Natalie and Jared, we shared personal perspectives on what it means to be good. Each of us offered unique takes, shaped by our backgrounds and experiences.
Jared believes that goodness involves “finding purpose outside of the self.” He sees good people as those who invest in building up others and contributing to their communities. For him, a good life is rooted in empathy and openness to different viewpoints.
For me, I see goodness as something we all have within us. It’s a continuum—how much we allow our virtues to shine determines where we fall on that spectrum. A truly good person, to me, is one who acts with courage, purpose, and kindness automatically, out of habit. It’s about self-acceptance, inner peace, and a genuine desire to make a difference in others’ lives. There’s an internal element of self-acceptance and inner peace, and an external drive to bring that light to others. In this way, goodness is both an inner state and an outward commitment.
Natalie shared her view that being a good person means having good intentions, even if things don’t always turn out as planned. She emphasized the importance of making peace with oneself and accepting that we all have both positive and negative aspects in our personalities.
Learning to Be Good
Becoming a better person involves learning and growth through various mechanisms. Here are some key ways we develop our sense of goodness over time:
Modeling (Albert Bandura): We learn by observing others, especially role models. Witnessing acts of kindness or courage inspires us to emulate those qualities in our own lives.
Virtue Cultivation (Aristotle & Alasdair MacIntyre): Goodness is cultivated through practice. Like a skill, virtues are developed through repeated actions, gradually becoming part of our character.
Moral Reasoning: Reflecting on our actions and their impact on others shapes our understanding of goodness. This process helps us build a more compassionate and nuanced moral perspective.
Social Influence: Family, friends, and community play a vital role in shaping our values. Our social environment often guides our moral development.
Self-Reflection: Regularly reflecting on our actions and intentions allows us to align our behavior with our values, helping us become the people we aspire to be.
Being Good Today: Simple Practices for Everyday Goodness
These small, intentional acts don’t take much time or effort, but they add up, creating a lasting impact on both our lives and those around us.
Express Gratitude: Call or text someone you appreciate and let them know what they mean to you. A simple “thank you” can brighten someone’s day and deepen your connection.
Hold the Door: A small gesture of holding the door for someone can make their day a bit easier and shows kindness toward others.
Listen Fully: When talking to a friend or colleague, give them your full attention. Put away distractions and truly listen—this can make them feel valued and heard.
Help a Stranger: Offer assistance if you see someone struggling, whether it’s carrying groceries or giving directions. These small acts build a sense of community and trust.
Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your own efforts and progress. Being kind to yourself enables you to show up more positively for others.
Pick Up Litter: Next time you’re outside, pick up any litter you see. Small actions like these contribute to a cleaner, more respectful environment for everyone.
Share a Smile: Smiling at a passerby might seem small, but it can lift both your mood and theirs, creating a ripple of positivity.
Donate What You Don’t Use: Go through your closet or pantry and set aside items to donate. Someone else can benefit from the things you no longer need.
Reflection Questions
Consider these questions as you reflect on your own journey toward goodness:
What does being a good person mean to you?
What values guide your decisions and actions?
How can you make small, positive impacts on others daily?
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