Authenticity: Being Real to Your Real Self
A Socrates Café Conversation with Ciara Hernandez
When you show up authentic, you create the space for others to do the same.
In this week’s episode of Socrates Café, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Ciara Hernandez, a PhD student in Social Psychology at Claremont Graduate University. Our conversation was truly authentic, where we delved into our passions, goals, and the deeper aspects of what drives us. Ciara’s work focuses on understanding how individuals derive their political identities and how that shapes their lives. Beyond research, we explored her interests in moral psychology, Shakespeare, and Victorian art history, where her passion truly shone. See a rendition inspired by her favorite painting, The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dalí, below.
During our conversation, we reflected on how authenticity plays a pivotal role in both our personal and professional lives. Ciara expressed that one of her biggest hopes as a future scholar is to teach her students the importance of being their authentic selves. She emphasized that showing up authentically creates the space for others to do the same, fostering deeper and more genuine connections. This theme of authenticity also came up when we discussed our personal journeys—whether through favorite books or life-defining moments, authenticity allows us to grow and stay true to who we are.
In this post, I dive deeper into the concept of authenticity, exploring how it enriches our relationships with ourselves and others. Together, Ciara and I reflected on how embracing our true selves can lead to a more fulfilling life, both personally and professionally. Here are some of the key insights from our conversation.
Defining Authenticity in Psychology
"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." — Brené Brown
Authenticity, in psychological terms, refers to living in a way that aligns with one's true self—our core values, emotions, and beliefs. According to Carl Rogers, one of the pioneers of humanistic psychology, authenticity involves congruence between our internal experiences and our outward behavior–we act in accordance with who we are. He argued that when people live authentically, they experience personal growth and a deeper sense of well-being. This alignment is crucial to achieving what he called "the good life," where individuals can embrace their full potential through self-acceptance and emotional honesty.
Honesty and Authenticity: Honesty is the practice of truthfully expressing our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. Authenticity requires honesty, as it means we are truthful not only with others but also with ourselves. By being honest, we align our outward actions with our internal values, making authenticity an ongoing practice.
Expanding on these ideas, Martin Seligman, a key figure in positive psychology, introduced the concept of "Authentic Happiness." Seligman’s view of happiness goes beyond surface-level pleasure and focuses on living a life filled with meaning, engagement, and personal strengths. In his model, true well-being stems from living in ways that align with our core virtues and values, which is closely tied to authenticity. This approach invites us to live a life that honors who we are at our deepest level, contributing not only to our personal happiness but also to our ability to engage meaningfully with the world around us.
Research also supports the idea that authenticity has a significant impact on mental health. People who exhibit authentic behavior tend to experience less stress and anxiety because they are less preoccupied with meeting external expectations or social standards. Studies have shown that authenticity is linked to higher levels of self-esteem, self-compassion, and overall life satisfaction. When people are authentic, they foster a deeper sense of inner peace and a stronger understanding of their purpose in life.
Authenticity in Our Relationships
In addition to promoting personal well-being, authenticity plays a vital role in our relationships with others. When we present our true selves in interactions, we create a foundation of trust and intimacy. Authentic relationships are built on mutual honesty, where both parties feel free to express their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or rejection. This openness allows for deeper connections and more meaningful interactions.
Striving for authenticity in our relationships can lead us to create stronger and deeper bonds. When we are true to ourselves, others are more likely to respond with empathy and vulnerability, which fosters a positive feedback loop of emotional sharing–where you can openly talk about harder life subjects with one another. Additionally, being authentic can encourage others to feel more comfortable being themselves around you. Research indicates that people in authentic relationships experience greater relationship satisfaction and intimacy.
Authenticity in relationships also improves conflict resolution. Since authentic individuals are more in tune with their emotions and can communicate them clearly, they are more likely to approach conflicts with a solution-oriented mindset. This results in more constructive conversations and fewer misunderstandings.
Reflect: How has being open and honest in your relationships deepened your connections?
A Truly Authentic Conversation
"When you show up authentic, you create the space for others to do the same."
When reflecting on my own authenticity, I realize that it’s something that evolves as my experiences evolve. I feel most authentic when I am able to share my perspective openly—whether that be in a classroom setting, during Socrates Café conversations, or in close relationships. There’s something freeing about being able to show the world who you are, unfiltered and honest. The professional sphere, though, sometimes complicates this. The challenge of bringing my full, authentic self into the world of academia, for example, is something I still wrestle with. Much of how I see myself is as a “goofy smartass,” poking fun at others in a lighthearted way while also building them up. This aspect of me doesn’t always seem to fit with the serious and intellectual atmosphere often expected in professional settings. But the more I grow, the more I realize that embracing this side of myself doesn’t take away from my professionalism; in fact, it’s a crucial part of what makes me effective and relatable.
When Ciara asked me about my favorite books and philosophers, it was an opportunity for me to reflect on the defining moments that have shaped my worldview. Some of those moments have come from the literature that has resonated with me, such as Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, the thought leadership of Aristotle, and William James. These philosophical frameworks, combined with my deep interest in positive psychology, continue to influence how I engage with the world and how I strive to live authentically each day.
This journey of discovering authenticity is, in many ways, what I believe a PhD program is all about—finding your true self as a researcher and sharing that voice. In my work with Paving the Way and my media posts, I strive to bring that sense of authenticity to life. As I’ve become more comfortable and content with maintaining my authentic self across different roles and contexts, I’ve felt liberated. Standing up for what I believe in, while staying true to my personality, has helped me grow more confident in pursuing my goals. One of the things I thought about while writing this post was the potential value of being genuinely authentic in writing these pieces—there’s a liberation in knowing that what I’m putting out into the world truly reflects who I am.
Questions For Reflection:
What does authenticity mean to you? What does it look like in your life?
What areas of your relationships could benefit from more vulnerability and authenticity?
Authenticity helps foster trust and connection in relationships. By being honest with ourselves and others, we deepen our connections and promote a sense of trust. It allows us to live more fulfilling lives where we grow into our true selves.
A Note From The Author
Welcome back to Paving the Way! I hope you enjoy reading about my attempts to uncover the brighter sides of life, exploring how people think about themselves, the world, and what it means to live a good life. Our content is grounded in leading psychological research that sheds light on the characteristics, practices, and communities that contribute to flourishing. I believe that positivity resonates deeply, and sometimes all it takes is one new piece of inspiration to change lives. Thank you for joining us on this journey, and we wish you well as you continue down the path of self-discovery and purpose.
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